My limbs are slowly losing control; I know not why: I hear each foot’s steps but slowly fading away. It’s my own, but it seems that these ears are shutting itself down into imparity, isolating my voice inside my head. Something started tingling on my fingertips; I looked at them: they’re the same. The hallway’s luminosity is getting indifferent, unexpected. My head is getting heavier as I breathe deeper and deeper. I blinked three times just to check reality. I am awake. I felt my warm eyelids stick together as I did. But now, am losing my depth perception. Slower and slower, I felt like I am being sucked into oblivion. My sight… is… starkly now. I feel numb.
I didn’t know that I have this condition. I drifted away like a leaf falling from its dying tree. Thank God someone saw me after a few minutes of fainting. The nurses told me that someone named Jerry was the one who took me to the hospital.
I woke up at the sound of the receptionist’s voice calling in for someone from the hallway just near my room. The sound is soothing, yet annoying knowing that I am in the hospital bed looking for health beneficial rest. Being alone in this room reminds me of home. Nobody’s always there.
A white coated person came in – straight-faced and seemingly fresh from exhaustion. He talked slowly and asked, “How-are-you-fee-ling-now, Miss Se-bas-tian?” That made me feel stupid for a while. But when I turned and tried to get up, the room looked shaky and everything went winding like a carousel ride. I quickly laid back. The doctor, In which I wasn’t able to catch the name, remained immobile. He continued on and started jotting down something on his paperwork. “It seems that you have been very much exhausted and that must have caused you to faint. Your blood rate dropped to ninety over eighty. You need to take a rest – a day or two will do good for you. So, I’ll be leaving some notes to the nurse for you. Take a rest and eat healthy. I talked to your guardians about your condition. Other than that, all will be well. Okay?” I just simply nodded. I didn’t care. The first day of work is running in my mind right now. I was supposed to submit my papers today. But here am I, stuck in this four walls thinking how to get out as quickly as possible. Touching my temples, I felt my nerves thumping, rushing my blood underneath my skin while ignoring the doctor.
It is painful for such a day to be just this dull; but it is more aggregating yet comfortable still while I live in this life as it is everyday. Getting used to the fact of everyday dullness made me insensitive in ways. It manifested into my system that it didn’t matter anymore.
It is better to be here, anyway. Instead of staying in that basement-turned-room of mine at home. But I call it freedom – separating the hellish parts of the house I stay in. and when I say ‘they’, I mean my so-called loving family. Sarcasm is my favorite inside joke with myself. Sometimes I feel like I am having a split personality. I just turn and think indifferently sometimes (or most of the time) when something or someone turmoils me. I worry because I might be going crazy. I hope not.
I always snap in and out of my fantastic little world I made just to step out of reality from time to time. It just became habitual that my brain automatically separate me from this life I am in.
Sitting still and thinking about nonsense what to do will do nothing good unless I escape or get direct permission from them. Hmmm…
“You can’t stay away from me, bitch! Come here or I will crush your head into bits!” She gnarled at me, looking devilish with her reddish eyes. “Give me it! Now! You cannot escape from me!” she kept on shrieking the words without hesitating to bring excruciating harm when I was about to run away from her. She quickly grabbed my wrist and bashed me at the wall. Her loathsome breath creeps all over my face while I look into her features. Pointed sharp nose, her cheekbones lump the skull’s structure, lineament filled with rushing blood through the veins, thin dark lips slightly show her crooked teeth from behind. Her white to pale skin made each feature stronger and revealing. She pushed me harder up against the wall whilst sticking her thumb onto my throat, noticing that I was just staring at her. Abruptly, I am losing a breather. Grasping was I for something to hold on to, her other hand tightly grips on something pointed that is slightly sticking on my stomach. I felt that bit by bit, my skin is being forced to open because of her slow yet painful thrust.
The front door opened. Emily walked in. “Mom! What in the hell is happening?!” She slammed the door closed as she witnessed our scene. Mother grabbed me away from the wall and forcibly smashed my face first on the floor.
“Miss? Miss? Lucy, are you alright?” I winced. My brain’s natural behavior did it again. It played back all the scenes of that day. I slightly turned my head towards her and answered with a muted “Yes”.
“Are you sure? You were staring blankly at something. I got scared when you looked like you’re going to attack someone any moment.”
I just slept through the whole day just to make sure I’ll be getting out soon.
The sun was shining blissfully the next morning. I ate bread and milk when they have served me more than enough. Feeling stronger now, I walked myself to the window and gazed at the city view. From there, I noticed that I am just on the second or third floor of the hospital building.
The park is filled with nothing but the trees and grass. Pathways are almost crowded with one person gashing away. I cannot hear anything from up here. I almost teared my eyes when the thought of going home came into mind. “Nah. I’ll get used to it again. Now suck it up,” I told myself.
“Everything will be fine. Everything’s going be okay. Yes, it will. Nothing bad is going to happen. Nothing. Everything’s fine. It will all be okay. Okay. Okay. Okay… okay… okay… okaaa…yyy” I repeatedly promised to myself as it echoed in my mind. “Yes! Yes! Yes! Yeees! Everything’s going to be okay, Lucy. You know that. It will all be just fine. Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!” My head swirled after hearing a very different voice. It stings every part of my head. It cripples every part of my thought, it hurts. I touched my nape, slid my fingers through my hair strands. The voice still remained unsilent. Aaaah! Ughh! It hurts. I grabbed my hair and pulled it just to make the pain stop. “Oh please, stop.” It kept on laughing and repeating itself. “Please… stop. Please.” “Haha! Ha! Ha! You are weak! Weak! Weak! Ha! Ha! Ha!” “Stooop!”, I almost said it out loud.
“Miss Sebastian, you can now be release. Your guardians are…” the doctor said as he came in. “Miss, are you fine?” he added. I snapped back to realm. “Yes, I am…fine,” then smiled. What in the hell was that?! The voice banished when the doctor came in. but there seemed to be something different from the I way I reacted. I walked away from the window I was standing by before.
“Are you sure? Because one minute ago you stood there looking like you’re going to kill someone with the way you grinned at me. Is there something that you might possibly feel?” he insisted. “No, no. there’s nothing different. In fact, I feel great.” I assured him. “I don’t think so. You look pale, again,” the doctor examined. “What?! No. I mean…” I unnoticeably raised my tone there for a while. “Since I have already signed your release form, I will just advice your guardians to look after you and make sure that you will have a whole day of rest today” he added. Before he said those words, he looked a little shocked at my response when he said that I need to take another day of rest.
“Good. Thank you, doctor?” I asked him. “Geoffrey Thompson”, he answered while looking at me with strange eyes. “Thank you Dr. Thompson.” I gave him innocent eyes of such those kids show when they know they’re about to be grounded. “So, can I go anytime now?” “Yes, yes. Of course. I’ll be leaving, too”, he responded with eyes full of wonder. Then, he walked away.
I gathered my things and changed my clothes hurriedly. I looked at the clock and saw that I still have time to submit the papers at work.
I went to the building smooth sailing. Walked in and met different kinds of people. Most of them are wearing suits and coats for men, while the women wore pointed high-heels and brisk business attire. They all look like models if not only frowning veterans are walking by. In their eyes, I see that they are very upstart of the people around. It’s all about money, money, and nothing by money.
The modern design of the framework is very classy and edgy. Each fragment of the sturdy walls are covered with thick glass if not of metal material. Every part of the building is shimmering with the sunlight’s reflection. Looking up at the ceiling, I see the blue sky showing that there is a great day ahead for us. But I don’t think none of the people see it.
I went up to the office wherein I would submit my papers so I could begin working tomorrow. The receptionist guided me towards the person I need to talk to when I told her about it. She gave no word and seemed to be disturbed in her duty. Those dull, sullen eyes are the ones which welcomed me when I spoke to her although I tried my best to be sweet and pleasing. I told her, “Hi. Good afternoon. I have a schedule for submitting my papers. I was supposed to be here yesterday but I got hospitalized.” I smiled vivaciously and sounded like a jumpy little girl, excited for the Saturday camp.
She stomped her foot like the floor pantiles would break into pieces if her weight is properly forced onto it. I tried to ignore her unwelcome gesture but I cannot fight it. In my head, I am starting to boil with the itch to strangle her. She’s so rude.
“Wait here” then she gestured me to a seat. I sat still waiting for someone to come in. a few minutes may be enough for someone to get these papers off my hand. The room is well lit and every piece of furnishing is of a modern yet eccentric style. Let alone the paintings that I saw hanging on the wall. There was one photo that captured my sight. I guess it is one of the people who played a big role for the company’s growth.
He looks like a well-bred man of his generation. But I don’t think he’s austere and uptight. More like a free-spirited old man and very intellectually inclined. He reminded me of my father when I was a kid. If it wasn’t for that freakin’ accident, maybe I would have been spending most of my time with him.
“Dad, I love you,” I said all the words sweetly while looking at him driving the car away from the garage. He replied with a smile and told me, “I love you, too, honey. Take care. Bye!” That was the last time I saw of him. The next day, the car he drove was so crushed that we can merely identify him.
“Hi, Miss Sebastian, is it?” Someone came in as I was visualizing my father’s memories in my head. “Mmm, yes. Hi, good afternoon. I’m so sorry I was supposed to be here yesterday.” The woman in front of me is of astonishing beauty despite her age. I was a bit startled when I responded but I didn’t let it surface to avoid looking odd.
I handed over my papers to her when she stood in front of me. “Are the papers complete?” she asked lively and gave me a brief and gorgeous smile. “Yes, I believe so. I am very sorry if I submitted it a day late. I got hospitalized for a day. I just got out.” She mindfully looked at each of the submitted document. “Uhuh. Yes, it is complete. You may start tomorrow. Okay?” She stepped away and guided me to the door.
I walked from the building and waited for a bus at the stop. It will just be a few minutes till five o’clock.
When the bus came, I walked in and put coins at the machine. I looked for seats available inside and saw one cozy spot just near the window.
The passengers stared at me like a freak show when I walked past them. Do I look that ugly to be stared upon? I know I don’t have attractive looks nor the finest clothes, but I don’t think I am the type that should be stared at. “Hey! Four eyes! Why don’t you move faster so we can go now?!” A guy shouted at me.
My temper started to boil like a hot water steamed on a furnace. I started walking faster to be able to sit and go home for a rest. Someone threw a crumpled paper on my head and said “Faster, you idiot!” We don’t have all the time in the world! And where’s the circus, by the way?! I love your sloppy pants! Ha! Ha! Ha! Stupid,” a girl then heightened my temper even more. She was with the dumb guy who yelled at me earlier.
This is what I hate about public rides. If it wasn’t just for my control, I should have threw them out the window and let them be ran over by speeding cars. No, no. That’s not it. I wanted them to be hang and be punched ’til their heads go pulp and feed their dead whipped bodies to the dogs. Yes, that’s what I want. “Yees, Lucy. Yeeees. That’s it. That’s what you want, right? Let’s do it,” the voice in my head came back. It stung my head in every part of it. The voice is echoing like a devil, kept on repeating what it said.
I touched my head because of the pain I felt. “let us, do it… It is what you want, right? Isn’t it, Lucy? Soooo… Let’s… Ha! Ha! Ha! Don’t fight it…” “No, no. Stop. Stop,” I told myself and the voice in the back of my head. “Please, stop,” I whispered. A few minutes later, the voice was gone. But the pain still remained at the soles of my head. It felt so heavy that I laid my nape on the head board. What’s happening to me? Is this normal? It’s so scary; the voice seemed so real; so near that it tears my head apart. I touched my forehead and felt the veins again – thumping.
At last! It’s time for me to go off the bus. I stood up and felt woozy. The passengers who mocked me stared again with sarcastic grins. “There she goes again! Bye, loser” the couple said. But I ignored them. The pain is already too much to handle. I hurriedly walked away and stepped off the bus, still touching my temples.
I still need to walk a few blocks to get home. So I almost ran with the kind of pace I have. I need to take a nap to take the pain away. The familiar street I was in made me realize I am drawing closer and closer home. But I don’t want to be there. Just seeing the face of my other makes me horrified. I don’t have a choice but to bear the everyday hell of it. Add up that stinking ass hole my mother replaced Dad. Feeble-minded people will always be feeble-minded. No wonder she picked that guy out of nowhere. It was just once that she made a right choice. Just once.
I was in the porch when I saw that the lights from the television are seen from here. They’re watching TV, again. The usual. I walked inside and both my mother and his husband looked at me simultaneously. “You’re home. Just in time for dinner. When will you ever clean your own shit?! Do you even realize how much I paid for your bills, huh?! Go find your own place already! I had enough of your bull shit and I don’t even get a dime from it! And where is that money I need from you?! We need it to get the car fixed! Your sister will be enrolling herself again!” She welcomed me. And, wow, get the car fixed or get yourself drunk?! As if you really are going to. A true mother she is. I didn’t speak and walked towards the stairs.
The house is old and disorganized. Wastes of food, clothes, and other sorts are scattered. Even the smell of the house is similar to a beer house. It seems like there is no woman in the house. No matter how much I clean it, it still goes back to its original form.
Cigarette butts and smoke fill the house and I didn’t know how I withstand it through the years. I see Emily’s door is half open from afar. From what I can hear, someone is with her inside the room. I walked silently and tiptoed so I wouldn’t disturb them.
As I softly went by, their silhouette from my side’s view is clear. Emily is jumping up and down the bed on top of a man’s naked body, savoring every sensation. Her fullness is even shaped upon their shadow. I heard Emily quietly moaned as she did while the screeching of her bed’s springs almost made my nerves explode.
Emily is getting deliberately liberated and extraordinarily ‘showy’ ever since we were in high school. She mingled with boys of different types but I don’t think nobody stayed for long. I don’t know what it is but I still think that she’s even better among the sluts I met at school. She’s not mean and brute even though we grew up like this. I don’t know how she handles it. She doesn’t fight against mom either, yet I know she despises her.
I laid myself down on my bed when I got in my room. It feels good to be isolated from the people outside. Remembering the voice speaking inside my head gave me the shivers. I really don’t know why and how it all started. The eerie sound shakes my sanity and scared the hell out of me. Maybe I really need to talk to a specialist. I don’t think this is normal. But I don’t have any money, plus the plan moving away from this place will make it difficult. What should I do when that voice came back again? What if it does more than yelling and persuading me? Can I control it?
Those were the questions that into mind before I drifted to a deep slumber.
“Let’s play a game, Lucy. Come.” A little girl invited me over to go inside their house. She grabbed my hand and started running towards their door. We were in the porch of their house when I saw something awfully different. The place is so beautiful. The sun is shining so bright that the whole front porch of he house glisten with joy and beatific. The ray of the sun lays just fine to make it look like a fantastic place to live in. It looks like a living caricature. Every part of the house is painted with shades of white.
The girl and I entered the house. She was so joyous and lively. She ran to their receiving area leaving me standing at the door. I gawked at her as she did; her giggles filled the house more life more than it already has. “Come,” she said as she stood up on the clean white sofa. She jumped up and down when I started walking. Drawing closer and closer, the sofa’s foam get ripped off because of the girl’s playful stunts. When I was only a few inches away from her, she went down the floor and hopped away to the stairs.
“I have toys upstairs,” she told me, not looking back. I got more curious about her and just watched her move. She hurriedly went upstairs. I got confused a little about what she’s about to do next.
I slowly walked towards the path she went; heard a sound from afar when I stepped on the staircase. Thuds are getting louder and louder and after a moment or two, it stopped. Maybe the girl is busy getting all her toys into place so we can play with it.
“Where are you?” I asked when I don’t know where else to go, “I’m here, just follow the sound of my voice,” her lovely tone answered. She’s just near from what I heard. When I got to the last step of the stairs, I saw a half-opened door. I guessed she was just at that room. A sickly odor scattered all over the place then, it smelt something very odd.
When I pushed ajar the door’s room, I saw her at her tea party toys. It was all properly placed. I stood in front of her and looked closely at her face, inspecting her features. It was so familiar and clear to me now. I stared even more, steadily now. We met eye to eye and saw my own face when I was just her age. I got chills and felt cold when she smiled. The smile she gave turned into a grin. Her grin turned to an evil scare. I got my feet pinned on the floor. I was so terrified. I don’t know what else to do when she handed me a cup. It was filled with blood; her hands dripping with it. Even her dress has blots of red. It’s still fresh. When she turned to look at her bed, she giggled. I followed her view and saw dreadful sight.
A woman’s body is lying dead in her bed. The woman’s eyes are lifelessly white. Her wrist is cut through, making it drop blood on the floor. Not only she has cuts, her body is also filled with bruises. Her feet is tied together with a tick rope.
When I turned back to the girl, she was looking at me like a monster ready to kill. “You, Lucy, are weak! You make me sick!” The girl’s voice turned into that very voice I hear when I was in the hospital and the bus.
“You… are… a… living… scumbag,” she said as she walked little by little. Her face… is, changing to a creature that lived beyond the world could see.
Her flushed skin transformed into a hideous horror. It was like of those possessed human flesh that I cannot imagine seeing up close. Little by little, she gets closer. Shaking as I asked, “Who are you?”
“I am you. You are me. We are one, and you know it. I am Lucy Sebastian, trapped in that stupid ignorant prick body.” She jumped towards me holding a short yet sharp knife. She was gesturing a quick stab on my upper body grabbing my neck. I tried to pull her hands away but she was strong. Her whole eyes turned pitch black as she composed to a quick and forceful thrust on my neck. As the knife was about to land through my flesh, I tried to grab her hand. But to misfortune, it slashed all the way through.
I woke bathing with sweat all over my face and neck. It was a dream, a dream I won’t ever forget. It felt so real. I was grasping for air as I sat still on my bed. I touched my neck wherein the knife went through on that dream. Looking for the clock, I remembered that it’s my first day of work.
I turned on my small stereo, played the music and went to the bathroom to clean myself up.
I was ready to go and looked at the mirror to check for how I look. I brushed my hair a few times and while I kept it at the back, I saw a red mark on my neck. It looks like a shape of a small hand. When I looked at it closely, I was stunned: dropping the brush I was still holding. Clearly, it is a shape of a small hand. I went gashing out my room and ran to the kitchen, grabbed some bread and scrammed.
Thinking that I might be followed du to the way I walk, people started to look awkwardly at me. I walked faster and faster to get to the bus stop. I was shaking with fear thinking about what I dreamt.
Various images of last night’s dream flashed onto my head swiftly. I can’t take my memories of that girl’s face off. She’s frighteningly scary.
I thought about different other things to get my mind off of it. And successfully, I did.
I walked to my seat when the introductory proceeds have ended. Now I couldreally start working on my job. I can focus my mind on other important matters beginning this moment. As a researcher, I will be facing a lot of mind crippling reading and analytical practices. No biggy, but it’s something worthwhile. Besides, this is what I really want: to be able to travel and interact with people to put up the research studies of different subjects.
Everyday, the same thing happens to me since I started working. I walk in to work then out to go home and rest. As it goes on like a routine, I am starting to grow bored. Not until I met Jerry.
Jerry recognized my face when he first saw me. It was awkward to be able to meet eye to eye with a guy as good-looking as him. He seems very nice and tidy. He kept on looking at me whenever he sees me at the office. From that reason, I began to admire him.
When I was getting ready to do my job at one time in the office, I was able to stumble upon him in the pantry getting his coffee. That was the closest encounter I have of him. When he noticed me, he talked to me and said, “Hi. Hmm. I know it seems awkward to ask but have you been to FraisierCollege some weeks ago?” I got a little confused about his question. Yet, I answered, “Yy—yes. Why?” “I was there, too. I saw a girl blacked out in the hallway that time. And she looks exactly like you. I was the one who rushed her to the hospital. But I don’t know her name,” he added. “So, it is you who brought me to the hospital! W-w-ow! Thank you! What a coincidence!” “Is it you? What’s your name again?” he was amazed by the way he responded. “Lucy Sebastian,” I handed my hand over for a shake. “Hi! I’m Jerry,” he responded. Then after a moment of silence while looking at his beautiful face, he bid good bye for he has a lot of work to do.
Everyday seeing Jerry gave me motivation for my work. I was able to at least catch up with some tasks to finish, though it isn’t enough. With that kind of inspiration, I was able to go deeper of my emotions for him.
Secretly, I searched and gathered of photos of him from the internet. Looking at it from time to time, when I don’t see him personally at work, energizes me. Compiling them all, I was almost able to complete a scrapbook of us.
When I found out that his favorite soccer team’s going to play to a nearby field to the office, I quickly bought a ticket for him and a short shirt for the league. It was so good, felling this way; it felt light and very different from what I felt my entire life.
The last problem to solve at that time is how I could give the gifts for him. Maybe I should just put it on his desk. I have to go to work early to place it there.
When the morning came, I wrote a note:
After doing so, I placed on his desk the shirt and ticket of the game. “Hey! What are you doing at Jerry’s desk?” Sean asked. “Nothing,” I answered startledly. When he looked at Jerry’s things, he saw the gifts. When he did, I ran from Jerry’s station to mine.
Whenever I was able to find out something about him, I usually did the same thing. Sometimes, I write little notes and put it on his desk when there are no things to be given. But something went different.
Jerry, sort of, distanced himself. But I realized, we were never really close so that’s what I always put into mins. What bugs me a little is that when he sees me, he tries to stay his eyes away from mine. Sometimes, he walks a little faster when he knows I am nearby. I don’t know if he’s trying to avoid me or just shy. Whatever the reason is, I’m just going to tone down a bit of the things I do for him; or maybe do something different from what I usually do just tomake him realize his worth for me.
Months went on smoothly and I was able to get through the probationary period. From time to time, I got accustomed to my work. It seemed that the voice inside my head gets stronger and stronger that it affects the way how I think nor behave.
Sometimes, I try to battle with my mind – gaining control of it. But it’s much more stronger everytime I try to do so. I wanted to talk to mother or Emily for this cause, but I don’t think they would pay that much attention. I am but of no one, alone with this struggle.
As I sat in front of my station, I rattled throughout the things I have to do. Papers, papers everywhere! I don’t know which one to do first.
“Lucy…” someone called. “Lucy… Lucy…” the voice continued. My mind swirled and so does my vision. My head ached when my sight kept on switching back and forth of visions of the child and the reality I am in. I see the blurred image of the child looking at me and then after a few seconds, my vision goes back to my station full of papers. “Luu–,“ I heard it again. My vision switched back to the child, and back again to what is happening at my desk. I grabbed on something hard and thin to make sure O’ll be able to protect myself. “cy…” the voice played its tone at the back of my head. The child is now closer to me the way I see it.
At the blink of an eye, she came face to face to me. “Lucy!!!” grabbeding my shoulders. I was about to cane her with what I was holding when the sight disappeared.
I waited for the vision to come back, gripping the sharp pencil on one hand. But of no account, it didin’t come back.
I didn’t know what I was doing when somebody called me again. “Lucy…” I was so startled that I almost fell off my seat. “Lucy!” Shane called. “Are you alright?” she continued. I answered her quickly and tried to gain my composure. “Yes. Yes, I am.” She looked at me with amazement and kept on, “I don’t think so. I just saw you looking blankly at the monitor while biting your pencil like a rat. But when I called you, you started to look… awfully furious. You even broke the pencil into two with one hand.”
I didn’t answer. I just put the papers on my desk into place to look normal. “No offense but everyday you look worse and you even act weirder and weirder. Look!” She took a mirror on the other station near mine. “You look like either an addict or a psychopath! You don’t know how to look good, don’t you?”
I saw my face and got conscrioys of how I look. The last time I saw my face in the mirror is of no memory on my account. I indeed look like one. I touched my face and felt my hair. I didn’t know that this is how I’ve been showing everyday of my life to people.
“Geeko! Weirdo! That’s how I see you. Anyway, here are the papers Mr. Stint wants you to have.” She handed the papers to me and it almost fell off my arms because of its weight. “Wait, what? I still have papers to work on. I can’t add this to my work,” I told her. She walked away like I wasn’t here speaking to her.
I didn’t know what else to do with this much load. I looked at the clock and saw that I was a little late for lunch.
I walked towards my station and pushed all the papers to one side, giving space to the new ones given to me. My stomach growled, sensing starvation without my earliest attention.
Rushing swiftly towards the pantry, I heard some men talking. I paused when I got to the edge of the door, listening to them when I heard my name.
“Oh, man. It’s been weeks and I haven’t did any girl.” One guy exaggeratingly said the words. “Ha! Ha! That’s what happens when you try to do your girlfriend! And! Her friend at the same time,” a voice of a familiar man spoke. I believe it’s Jerry. “One one bed, dude, on one bed! Can you believe that?!” another said. “Yeah, I know I become too cocky at times with girls when I’m drunk. I don’t even know what happened after…” the voice paused. “After your girlfriend hit you in the head! Ha! Ha!” Jerry conjuncted. “Yeah, whatever. As if you have lots of ‘em, Jerry. I haven’t even seen you once with a girl! Unless you want to bang Lucy! Psycho!”, the other one mocked. “Lucy?! Never! Ugh. Can’t even imagine that. She looks like a total retard. No way!” Jerry answered quickly. Everyone laughed when he responded.
These idiots think I’m a psychopath?! What the hell. They’ll regret the day they have said it. They will regret it.
I walked in to the pantry and directly went to the vending machine. I bought a big slice of sandwich and grape juice. After eating it all facing the machine, I walked away to get out. I don’t want to see these assholes’ faces anymore.
When I was on my last step to getting out of the room, I heard someone say something. I think it’s one of the guys with Jerry. “Psychopath…” he minimized his voice to the extent that he and his friends are the only ones who can hear it. But eavesdroppingly, I did, too.
My feet paused from walking when I heard the word ‘psychopath’. I slowly turned my head to them and stared at each person along with Jerry. I caught them giggling and when they saw me staring, they stopped like they saw something odd. After they did so, I went away from them and continued with my work.
Going to the mall was the first thing I thought about right after work. Good thing I had just received my salary. I bought every exotic and sophisticated clothings, perfumes, shoes, lingerie, and make-up. You made a fool out of me, then get ready for what I’d do to make you pay for all these.
“Yes, that’s it, Lucy. That’s it. Good girl!” “I’m sorry, Ma’am?” the saleslady glimpsed at me. “Nothing,” I answered. I didn’t know I was speaking it out loud. “Here’s your change. Thank you,” she smiled handing over my money.
I rode the bus back home and after stepping out, I walked with a grin on my face. I’m tired of being stepped on like this. All my life, I have been a battered kid for doing small childish mistakes at home. I’m tired of being bullied like being different is a crime.
One by one, the faces of the people who did mean things to me scattered on my head. U remembered every piece of things happened to me in the past.
“You little maggot! Where did you get those?! And where’s the money?!” mother aghasts. She inspected my bag. She smiles like a drunken prostitute and even looked like one, only senescent. I just observed her moves. I should have burned this freaking house a long time ago. When she wasn’t able to find any of the valuable, she turned to me – throwing away my bag.
“Where is it? Where?! I should have killed you when you were a kid!” she rattled over my jeans’ pockets. She pushed me on the door and continued checking in my shoes. When she didn’t find anything, she took off my blouse and went through my brassiere, searching for money.
I dropped everything I was holding and kicked her in the chest. She stumbled on the floor with terror. The force is a little hard that she rubbed her chest.
“You…” she gasps. Standing her way up, I grabbed the bottle of rhum on the small table beside the door and smashed it onto the wall, leaving the neck on my hand. She was a few distance away from me, my whole body was shaking with anger and anxiety. I attacked her grabbing her neck when she got near.
Kneeing her side when I was slowly crippling her breath, she bent down – losing strength. Kneeling on her, I pointed the bottle’s neck on her forehead. “You won’t do this to me again. Or I swear, this bottleneck will go through you brains, mother.” I stood up and gathered my things, leaving her with a grimace.
Walking on the stairway, I heard voices in Emily’s room. Her door is slightly open making the sounds a little clear. “I missed you, you know. I thought I’ll never see you again. after meeting you the last time,” a deep man’s voice said. His voice is so familiar. I just can’t remember to whom the voice belongs. “Hmmm. I missed you, too, Jerry,” Emily’s flirting voice responded.
Oh hello no! how did they know each other?! And Emily, why Emily?! No. No. No… it’s not Jerry at work, it’s not him. I stomped my way up and went directly to my sister’s room. They were kissing wildly when I saw them.
“Lucy?!” Jerry shockingly questioned. It is him. My vision grew blur when he saw me. “You know each other?” Emily cut off. “She’s my sister,” she continued with an annoyed tone.
I felt my blood rushed all the way up my head and crippled my hands together of anger. My composure turned sour and silence covered the whole room.
“Come, my little Lucy. We will annihilate them. Look into the eyes of those ignorant bastards. They think they’re better than us. They have not any idea what will become of them,” the voice echoed in my head – agreeing with the fury I am feeling. I looked at them down with an evil smirk.
I walked out and quietly closed Emily’s door. Realizing my every move and the words I left from mother, the sound of my voice was luridly like the child’s whenever she speaks at the back of my head. I almost shrugged, but I liked it. She really is a part of me. She is me.
I went to the end of our house’s hallway and went down the stairs to my room. This basement will be wiped clean of the old things I grew old on to.i don’t want to see any memory of what is left of my past.
Standing in front of the mirror, I inspected every bit of my face and body. Touched every part that could possibly feel on my skin. I took all my clothes off, went to the bathroom and splashed water that wet all over my body.
There was never a time during my bath that I did not thought what to do to avenge myself. As I hastily walked to the mirror again, I scraped off the hair on my legs, shaped my eyebrows, and try to mix some clothes that I bought. Everything’s perfect.
Now, the hair. Without any idea what to do with it, I tried to trim the ends, put some forms on it: something sharp and edgy yet a little strong look will do.
Corsette, oh the corsette! I tried it on, along with the leather-like underwear. Putting some color on my face accentuated the overall tone of my image, making it really enticing. Loved the red and black combination of the lingerie.
After trying on all the things I bought, I started to re-organize my room according to the picturesque sight of myself I earlier saw in the mirror. I changed the sheets of my bed, took off the carpet on the floor, took the things out of my desk and closed and replaced it with the new ones. Even the window of my room along with the wall were not safe from re-organization.
I painted it of black and changed the curains of red ones. When finished, I put lamps on my desks. Everything just fell into place.
Before sleep called my sensations, I tought about a few things that will include my plan. There were a lot of things I have learned the past few days. My brains wouldn’t also stop thinking about that asshole Jerry, it couldn’t.
I didn’t realize that I dozed off to the dreamworld last night. Picked up my things for work, and prepared for the day.
As expected, there’s nobody in the house again when I went down stairs. I couldn’t help but be proud of what I see this morning in the mirror.
“Running late, miss?” a guy driving his black sedan told me. Maybe he noticed I was sort of rushing. “Yes,” I answered. “I can give you a ride if you want,” he smiled. I quickly rode in to his car and stared at him a little. He’s handsome. But I can sense that he’s trying to get laid so it kind of shaked me a little. “To where?” he asked and brushed his sight on my flank. I told him the directions to work.
A few blocks away from the building, I asked him to stop the car near the rocky roadside. To thank his kindness, I gestured towards him. I placed my lips on his and held his nape-making a passionate kiss. He liked it and fell for the trap.
He was about to touch me when I secretly slid my other hand to my bag for the perfume. I took the lid off and hastily sprayed it on his eyes many times that he found it difficult to open his eyes.
I quickly went off the car and picked a huge rock. Sprinting to the driver’s seat, I placed it on the accelerator and clutch, put the car into sixth gear and tried powering on the car. He was grabbing me while I did, tried to strangle me, but I took the advantage of his temporary blindness. I elbowed his neck when he tried to attack me again.
It was just in time when I started the car while docking off half of my body on the car’s window. The car ran so fast away from me. From the direction that the car is going, it seems that the guy is trying to control the wheels. But I don’t think that he can already see.
While I turned and walked away from the scene, I heard something crashed through the woods. I didn’t care nor pay attention.
I was in the building an hour late. I went to the women’s room to check myself. I took my gloves off and put powder on my face.
Walking towards my desk, every pair of eyes stared and rolled, seemed to see a ghost. I didn’t react.
Similar to what I did to my room, I took off all the trash off my station and redesigned it. I heard footsteps from afar and when it got near, it stopped.
“Isn’t it too early for work?” my boss’s voice sarcastically said. I turned towards him and gave impassivity. He seemed stunned of what he saw. “Would you like to have breakfast with me at the pantry?” he continued. “I am not in to politics, thank you.” I replied and went back to work.
I was starving when the clock ticked twelve. My body was shaking when I got to the pantry. I went directly to the vending machine and got myself a sandwich and juice, I even ordered pasta from the Italian coffee shop in the ground floor. I felt something different and saw someone looking at me. It was Jerry and his friends. He walked in and ordered something at the cashier.
He was walking slowly, holding a paper bag. I took my eyes off him and lashed out on my lunch. A silhouette got my attention, hence I held my head up. “Hi. Ugh, about the other night,” Jerry shamefully said. “No need to explain. Just drop by our house tonight. I need to talk to you about the research I am working on. I heard you studied the subject before; maybe you can help me out,” I cut while flirting with the straw using my lips. I gestured my elbows towards the table, making my cleavage show a little more of it. I heard evil giggles at the back of my head when his jaws dropped awkwardly while looking at my front.
“So?” I asked for confirmation. This ass-wipe should say yes. “Yeah, sure. I’ll be there at ten o’clock,” he snapped. “Perfect, per-fect” a half smile and striking eyes showed in my face.
The clock struck six o’clock and every person in the office starts to perish from their stations. I prepared myself to go home and to have a rest while waiting for Jerry to arrive. My footsteps were overhearing all over the corners of the hallway, and these pump heels are aggregating each of my vain through my legs.
I walked towards the edge of the wall to gain some support for my back as I wait for the elevator. When I was just having my thoughts fly over somewhere else, I heard a deep voice speaking to another.
“Oooh, man! This girl’s really insane, watch” I heard one of the guys saying to the other. When I peeked and saw their faces, it seems that they are watching something very particular to men.
“Dude, she’s good! Oh damn, boner! Ha ha ha”, the other guy told him while holding the cell phone on one hand. These guys disgust me. They don’t even have any idea that somebody could hear their video being played echoing along the hallway. A girl moaning on the speaker was extremely irritable that anybody would be so amused of the jerks.
The elevator opened and popped a number of people inside. The two idiots were so surprised. “Man, pause the video.” “I am stopping it! I don’t understand why it won’t!” while pressing so hard on the mobile phone. “What?! Are you stupid?! Damn!” The other was so in a hurry to turn off the device off that the phone ricocheted to the floor.
Every eyes on the elevator were just staring at them and the mobile phone now on the floor. The guy was reaching for the phone and when he already did, they didn’t notice that the Mr. Stint is looking viciously at them.
“Report at my office, now!” And that was the last thing I have remembered of that day.
When I got home, I went to my room. I took my clothes off and prepared for Jerry’s arrival. I went to the living room to check if someone else is in the house. Sneakily, I saw mother and his husband getting drunk, again, in front of the fireplace.
I went back upstairs and heard thuds at Emily’s room, confirming that she’s just inside. I peaked into a small opening at her door’s edge and surprisingly, she’s alone.
“Lucy… Lucy…” I heard something. “Lucy…” the voice called again. My sight went blur and the pain started to go up my head. It felt like I was getting delusional. The sound echoed from everywhere making waves at my ears. “IT’S TIME!”, I hissed awkwardly. I don’t know where it came from, but the words just came out; imagining all the things I may do.
“Lucy? Lucy…” someone from downstairs called. The knocks on the door made me remember about Jerry. I unfathomably picked myself up and ignored the pain. I tiptoed a little to make no noise of my presence while walking down towards the front door.
I paused and strided my hair with my hand to fix it. Opening the door, Jerry showed, holding some papers. I made him go in – grabbing his hand. We quickly went to my room quietly and locked my door.
“Wait for me here. I’ll just get something,” I said, leaving him standing at the middle of my room. The corsette and make up are set up at the bathroom. I indulged myself of the things I was about to wear.
When I went out, I made sure that he will beg for me. He was stricken with the way I look when he saw me. “Whoah! I thought…” he exclaimed when I got near. I placed my finger on his lips to shut him up.
“We’re going to play a little game first,” I whispered in his ears. The thump on my temples made a disurbing sensation, yet I still need to do this.
I turned my music up and pulled a chair in the middle of the room. As I sit on it, I pat on its wooden surface – posing that he should sit on it – speading my legs.
He looked so dumbfounded, but I felt doubts on my plans. I wanted to be us, together, spending our precious time and do crazy stuffs. I want him, I need him. I don’t think I should continue doing this as a foreplay to my strategy.
“Lucy… you really are weak…” the voice inside me spoke. It showed me what I saw the other day.: Jerry and Emily kissing each other, the time they made a laughing stock out of me at the office. But, although, now that Jerry is just a reach away from me, we can be together starting this day forward.
The battle between my urge for revenge and the thirs for Jerry whirled all over my thoughts. When he walked towards me, I clearly decided to stop my plan and just spend the night with him.
I stepped away from the chair while pulling his necktie making him sit. I danced and pranced around him, enjoying the music.
I watched every move I made towards him looking at the mirror in front of us. Touching his shoulders, his nape, and chest was so sensational. Taking his polo off, unbuttoning it, he pulled me on his lap. He touched my hips and kissed my neck. The kiss went its way up to my jaw, to my ears, my cheek, and on to my lips.
We kissed, slowly and turning wildly. I felt his hands brushed through my curved back and went through my nape. His touch went on my shoulder, giving my weight in. His soft lips, swept down to my chin. I felt his breath, tingling throughout my tips.
I moaned a little when his touch reached my center and kissing my cleavage. He took the end of my corsette’s lace, taking it off. When I was completely topless, my hands fell on his shoulders. He slid his tongue on my nipples and feeling it simultaneously. I had goosebumps in a good manner. He started to pull me even closer.
I took his belt off, too, shaking of sensations then felt his soft things from down under. It started to grow thick as I rubbed it. He paused a little and took a glimpse at me.
He stood up carrying me towards the bed. We were lying down with me on top. I stooped on his face and licked his lips while I took off his pants. I started to play with his tongue with mine, his manly broad chest, and his crotch.
“Hmmm. Ahhh. Emily…” he said. The words freaked inside me. I looked at his face to see if he’s even aware of what he just said. But he wasn’t. I continued to do what I was doing and felt disturbed, crushed of what I have heard.
He switched place with me and just went to the flow of what is happening. Every move he did felt physically unnatural and heavenly. I felt a moist feeling when he went down on me, then went in. The pain stung my openings and after a while, it was gone.
I felt so used, wasted, and pathetic for thinking that we canbe. My body was shaking with his force coming in and out of me. I was staring at the window while I loved the continuous invasions in my womb.
Staring blankly ahead, my vision takes me back to the child again. she creeped towards me and united with my body as she said the words, “Here I come…”
My body went a little heavy and the pain I am supposed to feel in my head was not there. But I felt, something unfamiliar. Rage ran through me and my sight was so focused to Jerry’s face when he said Emily’s name again.
My body gained strength and stopped him from humping. I switched places with him, making me on top; I stooped down and licked his neck just to sneak my hand under the other pillow. I took the handkerchief and tied it up on his head. He was then blindfolded.
I humped harder and harder on him until I reached to the top. Walking my way to the closet, leaving him lying on the bed, I took a belt and knife.
My mind is filled of so much things I could do for torture, my body felt so light. I feel no guilt nor fear or even any emotions other than anger and rage.
I went up to him and strapped the leather belt on his feet. He was surprised that he sat up. “What are you doing?!” he asked. I pushed him back on the bed to lie down. “We’re still playing!” I hissed and put back his blindfolds again – more tightly now.
I took the string I have on my drawer and tied it on each end of the walls just a meter up the floor. Pulling my fine creation of broken glasses cemented on wood, I placed it on the center of the room, spread evenly on the possible paths that a person could walk on to.
I felt heat all over my body when I grabbed a sharp small knife onto my hand. I walked back to him and touched his limbs. I felt his soft skin with my hand and his soft lifeless crotch. It gave a boner when it felt my hand. Massaging it, I waited for it to thicken again. when it did, I gestured my palm holding the knife while clutching his thing.
“Yess…” he moaned as I gripped on it. I cut it off and made sure that it will all be torn apart from its root. He squealed like a pig when it fell off from his body. I shut him up placing my hand on his lips. I stepped on his torso so he cannot move away. Hegrabbed on my hair and clenched on my arms. While he struggled to run away, I smothered his penis down to his throat and tied another handkerchief on his mouth tightly that he cannot release any word. He was grasping for air when I finished.
I went towards the drawer calmly and looked for a string; going back to him, I tiptoed and tied his hands, then. Thereafter, realizing something, I slowly took the handkerchief off his mouth, grabbed the penis off his throat and tied the handkerchief, again, on his mouth.
Surely, he can then breathe. I went to the bathroom and cleaned myself up from the blood squirted on my chest. I dressed myself up and after, turned the volume of the speakers on max.
I left the room and went towards the master bedroom, holding a toolset. Mother was already sleeping when I entered. There was no sign of her husband on sight. I caught a glimpse of her desk beside her bed and saw some empty canisters of sleeping pills.
Perfect. I slapped her fae just to know if the meds have taken effect. She didn’t move. Dragging her down on the floor, her body weight almost broke my back. I opened the toolset when I have sat her down on the floor.
At first, I was a little confused which one of the tools I would pick first. So I randomly clenched something and a hammer came out. With no second thoughts, I hammered down thick pieces of nails on starting on her feet. When I did, she smirked and jittered. I quickly did the same thing on her other foot and hands, making the nails go through her tissues and the wooden floor.
She awoke squirming like a fat stupid boar so I stapled her mouth together. Something moved inside her bathroom and her husband showed up. “You bitch!” he shouted.
I grabbed the hammer from the floor when her husband saw what I did. He sprinted towards me and crippled my arms, almost breaking it. I kneed on his crotch and smashed his head with a hammer leaving it stuck on his thick skull.
When I was finished, I left the room and went to Emily’s room. She was so startled when she saw the blood all over my face. “Help me” I told her, looking helplessly. “What happened?” she responded and hugged me tightly.
“I… went… crazy…” I whispered through her ears and grabbed her thick hair. I based her head on the wall, took her pencil from the dresser and went top of her, making her immovable. I stabbed her on the left side of her neck and pulled it towards on the other end just near her right ear.
She was trying to speak with her mouth full of blood. I moved my ears towards her mouth and said, “What? Emily? You’re a slut? Yes, I thought so.” I mocked.
I took some wet tissues from her dresser and looked at her mirror. I felt some bruises on my arms and neck, it was reddish when I stared at it. Wiping my face with the tissue, I saw blots of blood on my new blouse and jeans, again.
Realizing the clothes left in my closet, I went back to my room. When I entered, Jerry’s dead body lies on the broken glasses attached on the cemented wood – ripping some of his skin off his muscles entertained me.
“What’s up, ass-wipe?” I asked him. I grabbed some clothes from my closet and changed.
I went to the kitchen and carried the medium-sized gas tank to the master bedroom. Placing the tank beside the mom, her eyes are filled with tears and pain. I opened the tank’s nozzle and left it there.
After a few minutes, I brought a flammable fluid and poured it all over the house: from the master bedroom, connecting the trace of fluid towards Emily’s room, my bedroom, and the living room along the front door. I lighted up the match and threw it on the wet floor filled with the fluid I have surged.
I went away and stood at the other side of the street, looking at our house starting to burn from the living room. The only ting I left with me is my bag and the memories of yesterday’s dreamlike journey. I heard a blast when I was already at the corner of our street, bidding me good-bye.